


Of Souls and Bodies

by YukiRiikus_Reading_Room



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst Dean Winchester, Character Death, Character Death Fix, F/M, Fem!Castiel, Genderswap, Grief/Mourning, Love, M/M, Protective Dean Winchester, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-03
Updated: 2013-02-17
Packaged: 2017-11-28 02:45:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/669348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YukiRiikus_Reading_Room/pseuds/YukiRiikus_Reading_Room
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam swears they've never met Sera before, but the longer Dean spends time with her, the more he starts to wonder if maybe Castiel didn't die like they thought he had.  After all, it was only his vessel they buried...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Loss

**Author's Note:**

> Or: Castiel "dies" and comes back as a woman, teams up with the Winchesters, and leaves it for them to figure out on their own who she really is

Even though Dean knew they were waiting for him, that Sam and Bobby thought it was for the best that they leave as soon as possible, he couldn’t do it.  If he moved, that would mean everything that had happened in the last day was real, that he had to move on.  But was there any moving on from this crippling a blow?

He couldn’t stop staring at the place where Castiel had died in his arms.

If Dean was being honest with himself, he’d never thought this day would come.  Cas was an angel of the lord, a celestial soldier who’d gotten the Winchesters out of more scrapes than anyone else they’ve ever known.  They’d lost the angel before, yes, but he’d always come back to them.  Even though he hated it, he knew Sammy was right when he’d said Cas wasn’t coming back this time.  He’d never left his body behind before, never left them anything they could burry.  Bobby had almost gone postal when Dean refused to let him and his brother salt and burn the body – Sammy at least had understood since after Dean had been dragged to Hell, he hadn’t been able to do it either. 

They’d buried the angel’s body under the tree where he’d died, clinging to Dean’s neck as he looked up at the bare, cold branches above him.  Dean couldn’t get the angel’s last words out of his head, tears sliding down his face as he reached out to touch the wooden cross he’d shoved into the dirt at the trees roots.

_Don’t you dare forget me Dean Winchester._

“Bobby says the case in Michigan could really use us a.s.a.p.  We should get going.”  Sam said gently, resting a hand on Dean’s shoulder.  He shrugged his little brother’s hand away as he stood, sniffing as he made his way over to his baby.  Sam didn’t say anything as he got inside, not ever when he glanced in the back seat and started to cry. 

He hadn’t expected Dean to keep the trench coat. 

 

******

 

Dean had never been one to pray.  He’d always been skeptical of God, and of the angels his mother had always said were watching over him.  But that was before he’d met Cas.

That had been before he knew someone had actually been watching over him all along.

The worst moments were those rare times that he tried to call for Cas even though he knew he was gone.  It didn’t matter to him that he knew it wouldn’t work, he felt compelled to keep trying.  When Sam went out to get dinner or to do some research without him, Dean would drop to his knees beside the bed, head bowed and eyes shut as he clasped his hands against the edge of the mattress and talked to Castiel, begging him to come back.  He didn’t expect an answer, but always hoped for one.  The steely silence, the emptiness, always made him feel worse than he had before he’d tried.

Sam often came back to a wrecked room and an equally wrecked brother. 

After one particularly bad night when he came home to find Dean on the couch with a beer and busted knuckles, glass everywhere, Sam knew he couldn’t stay quiet anymore.  He cleaned up the glass and bandaged Dean’s hand, carefully keeping his distance as he sat down in his brother’s line of vision to try and talk some sense into him.

“This has to stop Dean.  I’m really worried about you.”  Sam said softly, wincing when Dean looked away.  “I know you’re grieving, but…”

“We’re not talking about him like he’s gone Sammy.  I won’t do it.”  Dean sighed, running his uninjured hand through his hair.

“It might be good for you to admit he’s gone.  Maybe then you can start healing.”  He regretted his words as Dean looked up at him, his eyes blank and confused.  It was as if he’d just shattered his brother’s last remaining strand of hope, of sanity.

“But he’s not gone, not yet.  I know it sounds crazy, but… God, I don’t know.”  He stood up and stormed into the bathroom, Sam sighing as he slammed the door shut.

Later that night as they both lay in bed pretending to sleep, Dean rolled over to look at his brother through the darkness, his voice so soft Sam thought at first he was imagining it.  But as Dean rolled back over, he knew he’d heard right, and his heart broke all over again.

_“I can still feel him Sammy, he can’t be gone.”_

 

******

 

They met for the first time in the middle of a case out in Omaha.  They’d been hounding a pair of mated vampires driving from town to town in an RV taking hostages for food as they went, chasing them across the state for almost a week.  Sam had finally pinned them down to an abandoned campsite where they liked to dispose of the bodies.  They were picking out their weapons from the trunk, preparing for the battle when they heard the screaming.

When they finally got to the RV, it was to find someone else was already there, and it certainly wasn’t a victim. 

On top of the RV both of the vampires were already fighting with someone wearing a tight fitting skullcap and bandana covering most of their face, clearly an experienced hunter.  Before either of them could get a good look at the hunter, the male vampire caught sight of Sam and Dean, launching himself off the top of the RV at them in a fury.  He caught Sam by the hair, dragging him down into the dirt, Sam knocking into Dean dragging him down with him. 

Dean raised his gun to shoot, but never pulled the trigger.

The vampire above him shrieked as a machete popped through his chest, no doubt covered in dead man’s blood.  Just as quickly it was dragged out of his chest, slicing through his neck decapitating him in one blow. 

“You two okay?”

“Been better, that’s for sure.”  Sam sighed, rubbing his scalp where he’d been dragged down.  “So you were hunting them too?”

“Yeah, have been for a few days now.”  The hunter reached out a hand, helping Dean to his feet as Sam stumbled up.  “I got a call from one of my contacts after his cousin went missing, promised to try and find her alive.  Not exactly sure how I’m gonna get her back to town without a vehicle though.  I walked here, thought it would be easier to sneak up on them if they didn’t hear the engine coming.”

“Is the girl alright to walk?”

“She’s physically okay.  Not sure how she’ll deal with the mental stuff, but at least she’s got a cousin who can explain it to her and be there for her.  God knows if it were me, I’d be all alone and absolutely screwed.”  Dean raised an eyebrow as the hunter undid the bandana and pulled off the cap, a wave of dark hair falling out from under it.  The hunter shook her hair out with a sigh, looking up with ice blue eyes at the pair of brothers as she smiled.  She couldn't have been more than nineteen or twenty.  “I’m Sera.”

“We’re Sam and Dean.”  Sam said, shaking the hand she offered.  “If you need a ride back to town, we’d be happy to take the pair of you.”

“That’d be great, thanks.”  Sera smiled, releasing his hand.  When she turned to Dean and offered him her hand, he took it, cursing under his breath as electricity shot through his fingers when they touched.  Sera quickly pulled her hand back, clearing her throat as Dean watched her, confused.

“Well, I’ve got a scared teenager to untie.”  She said quickly, darting off to the RV.

“Did she seem… familiar to you?”  Dean asked, Sam rolling his eyes at him.  As they reached the Impala, Dean grabbed the trench coat out of the back and stowed it in the trunk.  For some reason he felt like it was important Sera didn't see it, but he couldn't figure out why he would feel that way.  “It was something about her eyes…”

"And here I thought you'd never go back to normal and start hounding a woman again."  Sam joked, laughing when Dean shot him an angry look.  

As he started the car, Sam hurrying over to help Sera get the scared girl to the car, Dean locked eyes with Sera, his angel's dying words reverberating through his mind as they stared at one another:

_Don't you dare forget me Dean Winchester..._


	2. Don't Call Me Princess

He wasn’t entirely sure why, but when Sera insisted to be dropped off at the bus stop regardless that the time that was 3 a.m., Dean just couldn’t do it.

“Are you boys sure this is alright?”  She asked for the twelfth time, rolling her eyes as Dean grunted confirmation as he carried her pack up to their motel room.  Shoving her hands into the pockets of her leather jacket she followed Sam up the stairs to their room, kicking the door shut behind her.  “I don’t want to be in the way.” 

“S’fine. “ Dean sighed, setting her bag down on his bed before heading to the fridge for a beer.  “Those vampires might be part of a larger coven – bastards might come looking for whoever killed their friends.  Don’t want you at that bus station in the middle of the damn night alone just in case.”

“Why, how gentlemanly of you.”  She grinned, rolling her eyes as she settled down to perch on the arm of the battered old couch.  “Seriously though, why not just toss me one of those beers, we’ll shoot the shit for a bit, and then I’ll go?  I’m a big girl, I can handle myself.”

“Listen kid, we’ve been at this a long time.  Take the beer – for God’s sake, take the bed – and stay put until morning.  After that, go wherever the hell you want.  But for now, just stay put.”  Sera nodded, not looking at him as she took the beer he offered her.  Sam shot him a cross look, catching the beer Dean lobbed at his head before stomping off into the bathroom to calm down.

When Dean looked at himself in the mirror, he halfway expected to see someone else.  Ever since Castiel’s death, he’d felt different.  He knew Sammy had picked up on it, but thankfully he hadn’t said anything yet.  Rubbing at the bags under his eyes Dean took a deep breath, staring out into the main room as his brother sat down next to their guest

“Sorry about my brother, he’s been a little on edge lately.”  Sam said in a tight voice, Sera shrugging as she took a swing from her bottle.  She edged away from his nervously, wringing the neck of her bottle absently as Sam watched her.  “He… we lost someone a while back.  Dean hasn’t… dealt with it yet.”

“I’m sorry.  We all lose people in this line of work, but that doesn’t make it feel any better when it happens.”  She said softly, tapping her bottle against Sam’s.  He nodded and took a drink, his face screwed up in pain.  “Look, if you need to talk… I can listen.”

Sam cleared his throat, pointedly looking away when Sera leaned forward so she could see his face. Sighing she stared down at her feet, knocking the toes of her boots together as she closed her eyes.

 “I lost everyone.”  Dean blinked, watching through the crack in the door at the way Sera downed the rest of her drink like she thought she could drown out whatever she was running from.  Eyes still closed, she flopped her head back against couch letting the empty bottle fall from her hand onto the carpet.  “My family was big into hunting supernatural beasties.  But, you know, none of us live that long, and one day… well, let’s just say we got separated.  I came to alone on the side of a road, unharmed and friendless.  Been on my own ever since fighting the good fight.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”  Sam said gently, Sera smiling halfheartedly at him as he patted her shoulder.  Running a hand through her hair she worked her fingers through the knots at the ends, still not looking up at him.

“So who did you guys lose?” 

“A very close friend.”  Sam said guardedly.  “He might have been Dean’s best friend other than me, I’m not sure.  We’d worked together for a few years and really trusted each other.  Dean... was there when he died.  He tried to get to him, but he didn’t get there in time…”

Dean opened the door, unable to listen anymore.  As he expected they broke apart looking guilty. 

“So, you staying tonight or not?”  Dean asked, dropping down onto the couch between them.  He couldn’t explain why, but for some reason, he felt like he desperately needed to put himself before Sammy and Sera.  When she looked up at him through her eyelashes, her cheeks slightly flushed as she looked him up and down, he had to furiously remind himself she looked young enough to potentially be jail bait to keep himself in check.  “Seriously, it’s no problem for us princess.”

“First of all,” she said gently, Sam snorting when she punched his brother  in the gut, smirking as he coughed in surprise.  “I am NOT a pretty, pretty princess.  Second, sure.  But I’m taking the bed.”

As she sauntered into the bathroom with her pack, Dean grumbled kicking Sam off the couch so he could stretch out, his eyes locked on the bathroom door.  Sam flicked off the lights, checking to make sure they’d remembered to lock and bolt the door before kicking off his shoes.

“I’ve never seen a girl THAT immune to your looks before.  She’s teasing you, and not in a ‘shag me later’ kind of way either.  Plus, I don’t think I’ve seen her stare at your ass once since we met her.”  Sam said in a low voice, Dean shooting him a dirty look as he climbed into his bed.  “You sure you remember her from somewhere?” 

“I never said she was an ex Sammy, just that I thought she was familiar.”  He sighed, draping an arm over his eyes.  Taking it as a sign that he didn’t want to talk anymore, Sam settled down into bed falling quickly asleep.  Once he was sure he wasn’t going to get teased anymore by his kid brother, Dean moved his arm so he could stare at the ceiling as he mulled over the mess he felt from the loss of Cas. 

He couldn’t say why, but something about Sera reminded him of the angel.  They were nothing alike in personality that he’d seen so far, and other than the dark hair and too blue to be true eyes, they didn’t really look alike.  But still, he’d been getting a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach ever since he’d touched her hand that there was more to her than met the eye. 

The bathroom door creaked open, interrupting his thoughts.

“You still awake?”  Sera whispered, watching Dean sit up through the darkness.  She tiptoed over to the couch, Dean swallowing as he looked her over.

It had been a long time – far longer than he dared admit to Sammy, who’d only tease him – since he’d been with anyone.  And, no matter how many times he tried to remind himself that she might be too young for him, all he could think about was the appealing dip between the shirt and her collar bone, the shadows making him drool slightly as she knelt down in front of him, her hair falling over her shoulder fluidly as she moved.  He wasn’t blind – she was beautiful in an untouchable sort of way, even if she seemed easy enough to be around – but he wasn’t about to think with his dick on this one.  There was a certain vulnerability about the nervous way she held herself around him and Sam.  He could tell from the way she fought earlier she would be more than capable of kicking his ass if she needed to, but he didn’t think his skills was the reason for her nervousness – that he couldn’t place. 

“Did you need something?”  He asked, cursing internally at the hoarse, shaky note to his voice as he spoke.  The edge of her mouth turned up in a smile, but she didn’t say anything.

“I can’t get the clasp on the locket undone; do you think you could do it for me?”

“I’m not sure I’d be able to see it in the dark.”  Dean said, barely keeping the panic out of his voice.  Honestly, he wasn’t worried about the damn necklace – he just didn’t think he could handle touching her again, not after the way taking her hand had affected him.

“Come into the bathroom then.  I really need to take this off – it’s full of rock salt, if I roll over on it while I’m asleep and it opens, I’m gonna be pissed.”  She whispered easily, Dean nodding against his better judgment.  Even as he allowed her to take his hand and lead him back into the bathroom, he had to struggle with himself not to just turn and run before he could do something stupid like try to kiss her.  There was something magnetic between them – and no matter how strongly he felt pulled toward her, he’d decided not to act on it the moment she’d told Sammy she was all on her own.  He’d been a lot of things to a lot of women in his life, and damned if he was going to keep loving and leaving them as if he didn’t know just how badly that hurt. 

It didn’t matter that he hadn’t been dating Castiel when he died – he felt that loss on a level he hadn’t even tried to explain to his brother for fear of the questions and conversations he wasn’t sure he wanted to have, especially not now that Castiel was gone.  It didn’t seem right to go after someone that reminded him so strongly of his missing angel.

It was too soon. 

And if he was being honest with himself, he wasn’t sure he’d ever really move on from all the unspoken things he’d let slip between him and Castiel before he died.  More than anything, he didn’t want to fall so hard for someone only to watch them get ripped away from him again.

“Earth to Dean, you alright?”  Sera snapped her fingers in front of his face effectively snapping him out of his reverie.  He’d been so caught up he hadn’t even noticed she’d effectively led him into the bathroom and shut the door – and looking her over, he halfheartedly wished she hadn’t turned the light on.  “What’s that look for?”

“Nice pajamas.”  He cleared his throat, relaxing when she went pink in the face.  True, her black and pink piggy boxers hanging low on her hips and her overly large tank top might have been a bit ridiculous, but that didn’t stop Dean from thinking inappropriate thoughts about what she’d look like out of them. 

“Oh shut up and give me a hand.”  She grinned, turning her back to him.  He took a deep breath to steady himself as she moved her hair out of the way baring the back of her neck to him.  Both of them pretended not to notice the shiver that had down her spine when he ran his finger across the chain before unclasping it.

As she shifted away from him, something under the edge of her shirt caught his eye.

“Is that a tattoo?”  He asked, grinning when Sera looked up at him in the mirror with a sly look on her face.  “It is, isn’t it?”

“Maybe.”  She grinned, tucking her necklace into the pocket of her jeans folded up on the counter.  “Do you want to see it?”

She grinned, moving her hair back out of the way as Dean pulled up the hem of her shirt so he could see her back.  He nearly swallowed his tongue when he saw it.  She had two intricately detailed black wings running all the way down her back.

Two very familiar looking black wings. 


	3. Keep Moving

_Don’t you dare forget me Dean Winchester._

Dean had far from forgotten his favorite angel.  After the first week or so, he stopped counting the empty days devoid of even a whisper across his mind in that familiar gravel voice.  Sometimes, when he felt irrationally angry with grief over the loss of Cas, he drank himself stupid to the idea that he’d treated Cas indifferently enough that one of the most important people in his life had legitimately believed that he could actually fill in the hole he’d left in his heart and move on like it was nothing. 

Sammy had noticed Dean was being nicer to him since Castiel died, but didn’t really start to worry about it until Bobby called to ask him why Dean had been calling him every other day ‘just to shoot the shit’.  When he asked him about it, Dean had turned away – but not before Sammy had seen the tears spring up in his eyes.  He didn’t need to ask again to know it had something to do with Cas.  After that, he and Bobby didn’t mention it again. 

“Did you turn into a statue, or are you just really into girls with tattoos?” 

Dean blinked, looking up to meet Sera’s curious eyes in the mirror.  She looked so innocently confused, so strangely hopeful that he felt like he couldn't tell her that she'd just sent him spiralling.  There was no way she could have known what she'd inadvertantly brought to the surface, especially since Sam hadn't told her the person they'd so recently lost was an angel.  He dropped the hem of her shirt and stepped away without offering an explanation.  She didn’t follow him much to his relief, watching him from the bathroom doorway as he flopped down on the couch without looking back at her. 

He expected her to press the issue – she didn’t seem like the type to give up so easily, not against a pair of rogue vampires and definitely not against his closed off silence.  But she shut off the bathroom light without a word, quietly padding her away across the motel room to her bed and climbing in.  Dean stared at the ceiling, part of him wanting to explain that he hadn’t been expecting to see wings like that ever again, that it was a shock he hadn’t anticipated, but he couldn’t seem to find his voice.  Gradually, he started to calm, the quiet rumble of his brother’s breathing calming in its familiarity.  He rolled over onto his side, closing his eyes.

He was almost asleep when she said it, so close to the edge between the waking and unconscious worlds that he wasn’t able to pull himself back and stay away to question it.

_Once you figure it out, come find me._

The next morning when he woke up, Sera was already long gone.

 

******

 

“Are you serious right now?”

Dean didn’t look up from the laptop, painfully aware of the concern dripping in his little brother’s tone.  Dropping down into the seat next to him Sammy sighed, ignoring Dean’s disgruntled groan when he reached passed him and shut the laptop screen.

“What did you do that for?  I thought you’d be happy I was helping with the research?  That’s less leg work YOU have to do.”  He said, running a hand over his face in frustration without meeting Sam’s eye.

“We both know you weren’t working on the case.”  Sam said quietly, gritting his teeth when Dean shot him an angry look.  “Seriously, I would have preferred it was research, or at least porn.  But you’ve got to stop hounding her Dean.  Clearly, she doesn’t want to be found.”

“It doesn’t bother you at all that Sera slipped out in the middle of the night without saying anything or leaving a note behind?”  He asked, sighing when Sam looked unconvinced. 

“Why does this matter to you so much?  Why is it so important to you that you find her?”  Sam asked, trying to keep his voice steady.  “If it were someone else, someone we knew, I might understand but we barely know her Dean.  She walked into our lives for an evening, and left the next morning.”

Dean had to stop himself from spewing out the words he didn’t want to admit, that he knew would break Sammy’s heart: _She reminds me of what I’ve lost Sammy, she reminds me of Cas._

“I don’t know.”  He cracked his knuckles, relishing the slight pain with each pop.  It was distracting, something he could center himself in.  He’d rather deal with physical pain than the messy things he was feeling.  “Look, I’m just worried something might have happened to her.  You said she told you didn’t have anyone left, so if something happens to her, there’ll be no one to look if she goes missing.  I can’t stand that.  Everyone deserves to have someone to miss them, to look for them.  What if I’m the only one who can give her that?”

“That’s mighty noble of you, but we’ve got no proof she’s in trouble thought.  All you know is that she didn’t say good bye, and that you can’t find a trace of her anywhere on the internet or through any of our contacts.” Sam went quiet, ducking his eyes when his brother gave him a questioning look.  “Dean, even if you’re right and something came after her… there’s the possibility…”

“She’d not dead.”

Sam didn’t bother trying to stop Dean when he jerked up and left the motel room.

 

******

 

He was having a nightmare, he had to be.

Castiel was _not_ writhing in front of him, held in place on his knees by three demons and a series of enchanted iron chains.  There wasn’t blood caked on the edges of the cuffs at his wrist, on the heavy metal collar at his neck keeping him from raising his head, because this wasn’t real.  Cas wasn’t calling his name as a demon bent one of his wings back so far you could hear the bones snap, wasn’t sobbing weakly as they pulled out handful after handful of feathers out.  The floor wasn’t littered with feathers, because this wasn’t a real place. 

Castiel wasn’t calling out to him because he couldn’t call for anyone.  He was dead.

But even telling himself that, it felt real enough for Dean to wake up shaking, tears streaming down his face as he looked over at Sammy’s empty bed in their shared motel room.  As he pulled the covers up to his chin and curled in on himself, he half wished his little brother was there to comfort him, even if he hated the sadness and worry on his brother’s face when he found him like this.  Sometimes even Dean knew when enough was enough, knew that hiding the tears wouldn’t make them any less real. 

More than anything, he wished someone could be there that would never come back to him again.

But that didn’t stop him from praying. 

 

******

 

He didn’t look at the caller I.D. before he flipped his phone open.

“Hello?”

_“Dean?”_

Sam looked up from his book, startled by the sound of glass breaking.  Dean stood in the kitchenette area of their motel room, a broken beer bottle shattered at his feet across the linoleum.  Shutting the book he cautiously made his way over, stilling when Dean waved a hand for him to stop.

“Sera?  Is that you?”

_“Good to see you remember me.”_

“It’s hard to forget a face as pretty as yours.”  Dean said without thinking, narrowing his eyes when Sam clapped a hand to his mouth to keep from laughing.  “So, what do you need?”

_“Help.  I think I might be in over my head.”_

It didn’t matter that they already had a case that was going nowhere or that they’d spent an entire day doing resreach into old folk lore Bobby had to translate for them.  Dean grabbed a pen, scrawling the address she wrote down onto the back of a napkin ignoring Sam’s questions about what was going on.

“Alright, we’ll be there by tomorrow afternoon.  Don’t make any moves till we get there.”

_“Thanks, I really owe you one.  And Dean?”_

“Yeah?”

 _“I promise not to disappear this time.”_ As he hung up the phone, he couldn’t help but smile.

“Pack your bags Sammy, we’ve got somewhere to be.”    


	4. Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sera *might* give something away to Dean

They were halfway through his favorite riff in a Metallica’s _One_ when Sam brought it up.

“Dude, are we seriously going to meet up with her right in the middle of our own case?”  Dean rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything, eyes fixed on the road.  He’d explained the situation to Sammy as he packed the car.  “This is so not like you.”

“She needs us Sam, that’s what matters.”  He said shortly, shooting Sam a dirty look when he made an indignant noise.  “Look, there aren’t a lot of good hunters left out there with the way demons have been taking the out left and right.  If we help her, we could cash in on this favor later.  Besides, she’s good at what she does; she’ as good ally for us to have.” 

“That is way too logical to have just come out of your mouth.  You’re trying to distract me with facts, aren’t you?”  Sam said slowly, chuckling slightly when Dean went red.  “Ha!  Knew it!  You just want to see her again, don’t you?”

“That might be part of it.”  Dean said begrudgingly, sighing when Sammy hid his face in his hands with laughter.  “Look, it’s not like I’m playing the white knight here and think she can’t take care of herself.  She called us asking for our help.  Why is it so wrong that I want to help her?”

“It’s not.  I just wanted you to admit it means more to you than gaining an ally.”  Sam said, Dean cranking the volume up to effectively end the conversation before Sam could say the words lingering at the edge of his mind:

_You haven’t been this eager to drop everything to help someone since Cas…_

 

******

 

Sam had barely stepped through the door of the abandoned factory before Sera was tossing an old heavy book at his head. 

“What the hell?!”  He sputtered, barely catching it before it smacked him in the face.  She made a face, clearly trying not to laugh as he lowered it to glower at her.  “That’s one way to greet the people who came to save your ass, I suppose.”

“Sorry, I wasn’t trying to hit you I swear.  I’m just a little exuberant I guess, can’t wait to get down to business.”  She said with a smile, the edges perking up a little higher as Dean stepped into the factory behind him.  “I really do appreciate you two coming to help by the way.”

“I was glad you called before getting yourself into trouble.  Surprised, but glad.”  Dean said with a shrug, confused by the mischievous glint in her eyes as she strode purposefully over to him across the dusty floor.  Without warning she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his waist before he could push her away – not that he would have.  Sam pointedly looked away as Dean hugged her back resting his chin on top of her head – he barely had time to revel in how well they fit together, in how strangely familiar it all felt, before she was pulled away from him.

His arms hang limply at his sides, emptiness creeping through his chest as the loss he felt overwhelming him as she stepped away.  He wasn’t sure it made sense to him, but all he wanted to do was pull her back to him so he could feel warm again.

So he could feel whole.

“So, I think we’re looking at Minotaur.”  She said, twirling a lock of her hair around her finger as she flipped through one of the books spread over the table where she’d complied all her research.  “In mythology, the original Minotaur had the head of a bull and body of a man.  He devoured maidens, depending on the exact myth you look at, either every year or every seventh or ninth year.  Girls have been going missing in this town for the past few centuries, usually every seventh year, all of them with blonde hair.”

“Any other reason you think it might be a Minotaur?”  Sam asked, opening the book she’d thrown at him to thumb through it.  Dean wandered over to the table to look through the various depictions of the creature that Sera had compiled, smirking a bit when she immediately moved to stand closer to him. 

“Well, in traditional mythology the beast lived in a labyrinth, right?”  She grinned, pulling a stack of blueprints out from under her other pages, knocking books onto the floor so that she could spread them out.  “See this?  There’s a vast system of catacombs under the city.  Perfect place to hide a Minotaur is you ask me.”

“Yeah, but it could be something else.  This isn’t exactly conclusive evidence.”  Sam said gently, Dean snickering at the unamused look Sera shot him before pulling a stack of photographs out of one of her books to spread them out.  “What are these?”

“Security footage from various points around town.”  She said as she riffled through them, finally finding the one she was looking for and pointing to it.  “See that, coming out of the manhole?  It’s got the head of a freaking bull.  And if you look at this one, shot about half a minute later, you can see the body – human male.  A human male with the head of a bull climbs out of the sewers, and you expect me to NOT assume it’s a Minotaur?”

“Alright, no need for the smarty-pants snark off you two.”  Dean cut in, raising an eyebrow at his brother when he opened his mouth to press the issue.  “Look, let’s just go off the assumption that this thing is a bull man.  How do we kill it?”

“In mythology, Theseus killed it with the sword of Aegeus.”  Sam said at once, Sera rolling her eyes at his smug look.

“So do you think a machete will do the trick?  We’ve got those in the trunk and fuck if I know where to get a hold of a sword.”  Dean sighed, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket.  Sera grinned, reaching under the table for a long leather case.  She unsnapped it, the Winchesters taking a step back as she swung up a huge sword, a look of pure glee plastered on her face as she swung it through the air.  “Careful there, don’t want to take one of us out with that letter opener.  You sure you know how to use that thing?”

“Took fencing all through middle and high school – well, the parts of high school that I finished anyways.”  She grinned, slipping the sword back into its case.

“Cool and useful, look at you.”  Dean grinned, Sam rolling his eyes when Sera show his brother a pleased smile.

“Well, back to business.”  Sera said, clearing her throat.  Looking away from Dean she picked up one of her books to center herself again.  Sam kept shooting looks between the two of them, half convinced that they were seconds from grabbing at each other to make out like horny teenagers.  “This thing generally hunts at night, abducts a girl or two and drags her down into the catacombs with him.  Basically, he’s like a squirrel hoarding food for winter.  The bodies of these women never show up, so he’d mostly likely either disposing of them far enough down in the tunnels that no one’s ever found them, or he disposes of them some other way like an owl eating the bones of its victims.”

“Disgusting,” Dean nodded, looking down at his watch.  “Well, it’ll be dawn soon.  Why don’t we get some shut eye and head down into the catacombs around noon.  If he hunts at night, maybe he’s weaker during the day.”

“Sounds like a good plan.”  Sam said, patting his jeans pocket where the keys to the Impala sat.  “How about I go get us some grub?  It’s probably a bad plan to get lost in a labyrinth on an empty stomach.”

“That’d be great, thanks.  Also, while you’re out, get some D batteries would you?  The ones in my walkie-talkies are dead, and we’ll need those down there to keep in touch since cells don’t get service that far underground.”  Sera said, turning back to her books as Sam walked off.  Dean was torn between knowing his brother was giving him time to talk to Sera one on one, and being so terrified by that possibility that he wanted to catch up with Sammy and go run errands with him instead.   “So, I bet you’re wondering why I left like that, huh?”

“Maybe a little.” Dean said shortly, looking away when she raised an eyebrow at him, her lips twisting into a smirk.

“It wasn’t anything personal, believe me.  It was just… business.”  She sighed, pulling an elastic band out of her pocket.  She braided her hair, pulling each strand impossibly tight before moving on.  As she secured the end she looked back at him finally, the sudden sadness filling her face taking Dean aback.  “I got word that the things that broke up my family had been sighted; I had to go after them.  Alone.  It was just something I needed to do on my own.  You know what I mean?”

“Yeah, I understand.”

They stood in silence for a few minutes, Dean fidgeting with the zipper on his jacket as Sera continued to absently pour over her blueprints mapping out tunnels. 

“Did you find what you’ve been looking for?”  Dean asked suddenly, Sera looking up at him in confusion.  “The things that hurt your family, I mean.  Did you find them?”

“Oh. Yeah, two of them anyways.  I still haven’t found the primary one I was looking for, but the rest of them are accounted for.”  She smiled, turning away from him.  The edges of her wing tattoos were just visible over the edges of her tank top.  Dean had to remind himself it would be creepy if he reached out and touched them, his hands curling into fists in his pockets to keep himself from touching her against his better judgment.  “As much as I know it can’t happen, I want to go back to the way things were.”

“I know how that feels, believe me.” Dean sighed, watching the way she seemed to be curling inward on herself, painted white fingernails creeping into view as she wrapped her arms around herself squeezing tightly.  “I know my brother told you that we lost someone important recently.  Believe me when I say I’d give anything to get him back.” 

“Even if you got him back in a different form, if he wasn’t the same?”  Sera asked, Dean raising an eyebrow as she turned to him excitedly.  “If he came back differently, if he wasn’t an angel anymore…”

“I’d still love him, no matter what he came back as.”  Dean said without thinking, blinking as Sera’s smile widened.  His phone rang in his pocket, Sera bouncing off to get something she said she’d stored in the other room as he answered the phone.

It wasn’t until he’d hung up on Sam that he realized Sera had said something shouldn’t have known, that neither he nor Sam had told her.

She’d known he’d lost an angel. 


	5. The Last Battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning, the gender pronouns are a bit all over the place in this chapter depending on who’s talking/thinking about Cas/Sera in a particular way (the two names are also a bit interchangeable). [Typically, I have Dean going back and forth a bit, and Castiel thinks of herself as a girl because of the vessel but used the nickname Dean called her in her old body].

_When this is over, we’ll talk, I promise_.

As Dean canvased one of the tunnels, machete poised for an attack as he advanced, he couldn’t shake the conflicting feels bouncing around in his head.  He hadn’t had a chance to confront Sera on her inexplicable knowledge that he’d lost an angel until they’d been preparing to drop into the catacombs.  Sam was a yard or two ahead, busy opening up the entrance when Dean had pulled her aside, yet finding himself unable to say the words for fear of being wrong – somehow, he felt like that would mean losing Castiel a second time, and he wasn’t sure he had it in him to survive that.  But Sera hadn’t needed his words, his questions.  Placing a hand over his heart, just as Cas had done before he disappeared, she smiled, blinking away tears and promising as soon as it was over, they’d talk about it.  That was all it took for him to pull her into his chest and capture her lips with his, all the pent up fear and pain and longing being released in one short burst as her nails dug into his shoulders and her lips parted under his.  When he pulled back, when he called her Castiel, she smiled.

But then Sam called back that he’d finished, that it was time to go, and she pulled away from him to grab her sword.

He just wanted to get back to Cas. Or Sera.  The name didn’t matter as much to him as the being itself.

 _“Dean?”_ Sam’s voice crackled through the walkie-talkie.  Dean pulled it off his belt, glancing in either direction before raising it to his mouth.

“Sammy?  Did you find something?” 

_“No… but Sera isn’t answering.”_

 “What? You two split up?”  Dean snapped, trying to keep his cool.  Objectively, he knew Sammy wasn’t to blame – Cas had always slipped away to do his own thing regardless of the plans they’d set in place, and having a new body wouldn’t have changed that – but Dean still felt his blood boil knowing Sammy had let her slip away.  He hadn’t had a chance to tell his brother who Sera really was, because if he had, he knew Sam wouldn’t have dared let their lost friend out of his sight.  “Which way was she headed?” 

_“We were in the left quadrant, I just turned around and she was gone.  You don’t think IT’S got her, do you?”_

“Whoa there, don’t jump to conclusions.  Sera said this thing goes after blondes, so she could have just taken a wrong turn.”  He said, the calm in his voice all for show as he thought about the possibility of losing his angel a second time. 

_“Alright, I’ll keep looking.”_

Pulling out the blue print Sera had given him, Dean found the left quadrant and plotted the quickest route to where Sam had last seen Sera before sprinting down the tunnel.

 

******

 

“This is bad, this is bad, this is bad…” Cas muttered under her breath, struggling to keep herself calm as she pressed back further into the alcove in the all as the Minotaur passed by her hiding place.

While she might have lost most of her connections with heaven and angelic powers when her vessel deteriorated, she still had a few of her powers left over – one of them being supersonic hearing.  Cas knew she should have known better than to slip off without Sam when she heard something at the other end of the tunnel, but protecting the Winchesters was what she’d always done – even if that meant leaving them behind and putting herself into danger. 

Now, standings a few feet from a seven foot tall monster with only a sword and the muscles of a twenty year old body with no angelic mojo to back her up, Cas had to admit she might have bitten off more than she could chew this time. 

“I know you’ll come for me once Sam realizes I snuck off and won’t answer over the walkie talkie, you’ll find me.  You’ve almost always found me before.”  Cas whispered, her eyes fixed on the Minotaur in case it heard her quiet pleas.  Even though she knew it was risky, she felt much calmer muttering to herself to keep herself from going crazy with panic.  “Please just do it soon.” 

The Minotaur turned suddenly, its eyes fixed on the alcove where Cas was hiding. 

Raising her sword Castiel took a deep breath, preparing to rush out of her hiding place, but she never got a chance to move.  Just as she was preparing to spring, a loud squelching sound erupted through the cavern as a machete popped through the Minotaur’s neck, the monster gasping for breath as it was pulled out.  As it fell to its knees, Dean came into view.  His eyes locked onto the task in front of him as he swung back the machete and cut off the monster’s head in one clean slice. 

Even though she knew she was safe now, Cas found herself stuck with shock, unable to momentarily move or speak as she was flooded with overwhelming relief.

“Did you find Sera yet?”  Sam asked as he rushed into the room, barely glancing at the dead Minotaur’s body on the ground. 

“I think she’s hiding.  There was a pile of bodies and live girls back there, but none of them had black hair.  Get the live girls out, and if I’m not out by the time you get back, think up a story and get help.”  Dean ordered, Sam nodding and rushing off to do as his brother told him to.  Turning back to the wall Cas’s throat contracted as she saw the tears in his eyes.  “Damn it Cas, what are you doing?” 

“Trying not to get myself killed again, dealing with some minor shock, typical things.”  Dean looked up, relief flooding his face as she stepped out of the alcove.  Dropping her sword she stepped forward, her knees going weak.  Dean caught her before she hit the ground, carefully gathering her against his chest placing a gentle kiss on her forehead.  “Fighting without my angel mojo is still a little new to me, sometimes I screw up.  Figured you wouldn’t want me getting myself killed again when you’d just figured out who I really was.”

“Yeah, I’d like to keep you in one piece for a while if you don’t mind.”  He chuckled, burying his face in her hair.  “Sometimes, I swear you’re some sort of idiot.”

“Sometimes, I think I might agree with you.”  She laughed, wiping away her tears as he set her down on her feet.  “I don’t know about you, but I could use a drink.”

“I’m with you on that.”  He grinned, bending to pick up her sword and hand it to her.  Cas laced the fingers of their free hands together as they started for the exit.  “So, why are you a girl now?”

“Well, as you know, angelic vessels are rare and have to be of a certain caliber.  Sera, the girl who gave me consent to use her body, come from a long line of vessels just like Jimmy and Claire were.”  Cas explained.  Her face turned cold, her eyes downcast and sad.  Dean squeezed her fingers tightly, trying to comfort her.  “What I said about her family is true, though.  Her family had been attacked by a group of vampires being hunted for their preference for kidnapping and killing children.  Sera’s family had gone after them, and gotten killed in the attempt.  She was dying when I found her, and there was nothing I could do to save her.  She gave me her body as an empty vessel with the knowledge that I would do everything in my power to find the killers and get her family justice.”

“So you really did slip out that night to get Sera justice?”  Dean asked, smiling when Cas nodded.  “And there’s one left you said?”

“Yes, just the leader.”  Cas said.  “I… have to finish this for her.  She might not be in his body anymore, but when her soul left a small piece of it got lodged inside what was left of my grace as I entered into her.  I have her memories, her skills.  It’s why my personality is less… well, you’d say robotic.”

“And what you said before, about not being an angel.  Have you fallen?”  Dean asked.

“Not exactly.”  Cas said sadly, hanging her head.  “When my last vessel was destroyed, my grace fled to find another vessel.  I was incorporeal for so long that my grace started to rip.  So, until it heals, I’m essentially human.  Well, I still have some of my angelic mojo, but most of its cut off for the time being.  I’m sorry if that’s inconvenient for you.”

“What do you mean?”  Dean asked, grinding to a halt.  Cas looked back at him over her shoulder, her eyes worried. 

“Well, I can’t heal you.  I can’t transport us, I’m not super strong or super effective in battle.  I’m human, and not a terribly strong one at that.  I’m not… useful as a hunting companion right now.”  Cas explained, looking away when Dean raised an eyebrow.  “If you’d rather I sat hunts out until my grace sews itself back together.  I know you prefer people who won’t be helpful against monsters or demons to stay out of the way when you’re on a case.” 

“Hell no, you’re not going anywhere without me until you’re put back together.”  Dean said emphatically, sighing at the pleased look on his angel’s face.  “Look, you’re not a civilian.  And regardless of whether you’re super powerful or just a meat suit like the rest of us… I want you around.”

“Why am I different?”

“You’re really going to make me say this aren’t you?”  Dean sighed, looking away as he felt a blush creeping up his face.  “I love you, you stupid feather duster.”

“I love you too, though I’m not sure what slightly ridiculous nickname you’d prefer I’d use in this situation.”  Cas grinned, squeezing Dean’s fingers as he pulled her in for a quick kiss.

“First thing’s first.  Let’s get the hell out of here, get that drink, then figure out where the last vampire that killed Sera’s family is so we can put her to rest.”  Dean grinned, laughing when Cas tapped their weapons together before pulling him off towards the exit.  “Oh, and we need to tell Sam who you are.”

“You know… it might be funny to leave him guessing for a while.”

“This is what a tiny piece of a girl’s soul did to you?  Imagine if you’d shared with her.” 


End file.
